An Assassin's Lot

Words by Roger Burton-West
To the tune of "A Policeman's Lot," from "The Pirates of
Penzance," music by Sir Arthur Sullivan

Spoken: It is most distressing to us to be the agents whereby our
fellow-creatures are deprived of that vitality which is so dear
to all--(but we should have thought of that before we joined the
guild).

When the dragon's not a-lying on his money (on his money)
Or plotting how to reave a town or two (town or two)
He prefers to bask on ledges where it's sunny (where it's sunny)
And to poison him seems very cruel to do (cruel to do)
Even vampires can be kindly to their mothers (to their mothers)
Though we often have to stake them in the sun (in the sun)
And taking one consideration with another (with another)
An assassin's lot is not a happy one (happy one)
With than-atogenic duty to be done (to be done)
An assassin's lot is not a happy one (happy one).

When the paladin's not slaying orcs and liches (orcs and liches)
Or trashing evil temples by the score (by the score)
He often may go fishing under bridges (under bridges)
Where a dagger's blade makes sure he slays no more (slays no
more)
When the necromancer resurrects his brother (-ects his brother)
Killing both of them is rarely any fun (any fun)
And taking one consideration with another (with another)
An assassin's lot is not a happy one (happy one)
With than-atogenic duty to be done (to be done)
An assassin's lot is not a happy one (happy one).