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Forward to April 2000...

3-29-00

NEWSFLASH!

I post again! Amazing. Two days in a row. See the pigs flapping outside that window?

Well, I might be boring, but I can certainly see that the rest of the NAW is waxing eloquent -- more NAWticisms, folks. I love it. :-)

Hey, I know! I will repost something from my newsgroup. This is in answer to a paraphrased question, "What are the basic steps to getting a story published?"

My answer might be a regurgitation of the basics to some of you. For the rest -- hope it helps. So, here is what I wrote:

"The steps [to publication] are:

1. Burning DESIRE to say something to the world in written format.

2. An inability to go on with your mundane life (as in, have relationships, perform a regular job, read other people's books, without an impossible itch to write, which slowly creeps and encroaches upon you until you have to drop whatever it is you were doing and at least *attempt* to write...

3. A paradox personality -- a thick-skinned approach to rejection (as in, hit me with it again, pleez, and again, AND AGAIN...), coupled with a high degree of sensitivity to the details of the world around you.

   Also, please note that the *truest* writers are *not* the ones who submerge themselves in their own world to the extent of losing sense of other people around them, and become self-absorbed nerds, but are they who have the uncanny ability to submerge in their own world *and* then simultaneously be acutely aware of others also. That is the basic empathy that is necessary, in order to live life vicariously through other characters.

4. As mentioned in Step 2, a periodic series of *attempts* to write. Talking about it and obsessing is fine and dandy, even for years on end, *if* eventually you get down to it and just do it. Otherwise, you are a Pre-Writer, or a Proto-Writer -- kinda like Homo Erectus is not quite Homo Sapiens. Long evolution is still ahead of you....

5. Strong even violent opinions about life and the world. You can be sneaky, and even hide your opinions well under a flexible veneer of geniality, but when it comes down to it, you *BELIEVE* some things and are a bastard about trying to make everyone else ultimately see things the way you see them -- even if it takes you a lifetime and dastardly tactics to accomplish it. :-)

6. An ability to learn and absorb the world around you like a sponge. No college degree required, no degree of any sorts. Remember, most great writers (ok, I don't know if *most,* but definitely *many*) had no higher education, and came from the "low" ranks. Or, better to say, they beat, clawed, and tore their way *through* the ranks until the opportunity to create via writing was available to them (see DESIRE in Step 1).

7. A willingless to write despite all circumstances. Doing it through years of rejection. Being able to make that first sale, and then AGAIN handle years of rejection between it and the second sale. Repeat this, ad infinitum. Happens to all of us, all the time, even now. It is called "dry sales spell."

8. Listen to the one-hit-wonder Chumbawamba song "Tubthumper" (I think that's the name). The one that says "I get up again, ain't nothing gonna keep me down." This is your life MOTTO. :-)

9. Mood swings. If you are not even potentially manic-depressive, then you can pretend to be, so that you can learn the full emotional range of life experience to write your characters from.

10. Learn the basics of the industry -- all the markets, manuscript submission, editorial courtesy, how to query, etc -- without getting snotty and wanting to change things. Ok, maybe one day you will be in a position to change the Crappy Rules, but first, become proficient in Following them. Your time will come, Grasshopper.

11. Be unique. And yet, do it in a way that people can understand and relate to. Don't write beautiful crap that means nothing. Write beautiful wonder that inspires and yet tells an engaging story of fascinating charcters -- no matter how really mundane your characters may be.

    And do you know why every writer has the ability to do that? Because we are all unique, duh! Just communicate that one thing to the world, in addition to all the "standard" things that have been said before. (Remeber, the trick is to weave in the one unique Wonder Thing that is strictly You, into a seemingly deceptive array of things that are overdone and familiar. Shakespeare took old plots and made them into masterpieces.)

12. Don't be a victim of your DESIRE. As in, don't let the preying scammers in this industry take you for all you've got, because you're desperate to make the sale. Ok, you can still be desperate, just control yourself. How to avoid being victimized? This goes back to Step 10 -- know the ways of the industry.

13. Be not afraid. Don't fear that your work sucks (sure it does, but not always, and not to the extent you think it does -- remember, mood swings?), and so it's ok to submit it. The worst thing that you can get is a rejection, and maybe a bad reputation for crappy work with editors.

    Is that the end of the world? Sure it is -- but only if you never IMPROVE. So, write better, dammit! Don't stay in the crappy rut. Even hack reputations can be healed down the road.

14. Believe in the vagaries of Luck, coupled with the fact that you are armed with unquenchable and unbeatable DESIRE, and yet are living in a World of Pain and Suffering. You may never make it. But so what? At least you will have written and spoken your part. Your need is stronger than the life circumstances around you.

15. Be optimistic. If necessary, lie to yourself about your outcome and your future as a writer. And then, finally, channel your desire to write, write, WRITE. Publication may be a nice by-product of this. But who the fuck cares. If you do -- which is only normal -- then you have to teach yourself how to manage this *base need for a mere by-product,* so that it not does not stop you from writing, only spurs you on to success.

16. Screw all advice, including this. If you are a writer, then you already *know,* deep inside, how to do it. All that's left is to allow that little voice inside of you to be heard."

At this point the person asks whether it maybe a good idea to join an APA or get an agent.

I answer:

"APA, what's that, says this published writer? Just kidding. :-) But this should answer your question. You don't need it, but if you want to, sure, join up. It may prove a waste of time, or it may be a good practice time for writing.

Same goes for writing workshops -- I've never been in one, and don't plan to. But that's just me.

Same goes for first readers -- you might or might not have people to help you proofread your stuff and get opinions -- but don't make them your crutches. Instead, use yourself as the final judge of your own work.

Agents? If you plan to write short fiction, most real agents don't handle short stuff anyway, so why worry? :-)

If you want a novel agent:

1. Have a ready and finished novel, not just a ghost of one.

2. Query agents of writers you admire. NEVER sign up with agents that ask for fees upfront, because, by association, they are worse for your reputation than having no agent at all. See, in most cases, they are scammers. They are known by foul name and filthy reputation at all the major publishing houses, and their "client submissions" are handled with rubber gloves and tongs before being bounced back faster than a trash dump.

3. After the good agents reject you/your work, try to sell to publishers directly.

4. When you do sell (yes, it's relatively easy to do that with a first novel, but again takes years of socializing (but not kissing industry ass -- that only lands you in the genre outhouse with the other turds) and persistence in the face of ridiculous rejection), then come back to the same hotshot agent who rejected you. At this time, s/he just might want to kiss up to you. Or, s/he might not. Even after all those years, expect nothing.

5. Get to know everyone in the industry, not as potential editors but as people, as friends. By the time you've been around the rejection block, you will know someone who will actually read your work, and give you a chance. Of course, in the end they may still not buy it, but a chance to show our stuff is really all any one of us can aspire to. A chance is our God-given right. :-)"

Okay, that's about it for today. Amazing, eh? ;-)

3-28-00

NEWSFLASH!

More busy madness....

So much work at work that it's impossible to even begin to describe -- projects are crawling out of my ears... :-)

Got another rejection this year, my mighty 4th one.... *grin* This one from Talebones.

Sent off a novel query letter to a publisher...

I know, I am boring.

Maybe more excitement next time?

3-18-00

NEWSFLASH!

Please don't hurt me with flying salmon, dolphins, beluga whales, and other sea-life....

It really is hard to keep up online when Real Life takes over with an Iron Fist and kinda drags you around in the mud a couple of times, nose first. And then some more. :-)

My new house is a mess. After having moved in finally (as in, dragged over the last bit of crap from my former residence), I've been inundated with things to do.

First, the roof leaked. So, I had to take care of that, and now it's okay. Next, the back yard was a mudbath literally (see how mud is on my mind), so I had to have a portion of it bricked over, so that we and the dogs could walk without sinking in slush after the torrential rains.

Then, there was the fire. My house has an alley in the back, and some assholes stole a car, left it right under *my* fence, and set it on fire. Flames, ten feet tall. Fire department excitement, and yes, I got to use the fire extinguisher and feel like Sigourney Weaver blasting away at ALIENS. For more details, please see the very long post in my newsgroup under the topic "Fire!" since I ain't gonna repost it here. *grin*

Then, I was away on a business trip for training, up in Northern California, for most of last week. I was completely offline. However, the good news is, in the process, I have managed to procure a used laptop. So, like Scarlett O'Hara, "I swear, I will never be offline again."

And now, it's Saturday afternoon, I am still in my nightgown, there are piles of various messy stuff surrounding me, and I need to start cleaning this house.

So, I am sure you'll pardon me if I get right to it.

More later! :-)

Oh yeah, before I forget, more NAWticisms for your cackling or chuckling or whatever pleasure... *grin*

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